just for now.

They’re just the best kids/babies ever.

Zoe told me today that she’s still a baby. I think I needed to hear that…because she and the new baby boy will be closer in age than I had thought would be best…so I have been slowly realizing that I will just be having two babies for a while. And of course that’s okay! I just don’t want to force Zo to act older than she is. Lots of people have two or more babies at once– whether twins or just close in age. You know?

I just hadn’t thought of it like that before…

Isaiah rode his first ferris wheel a couple night’s ago at the Fredburg Agricultural Fair. Levi said he didn’t freak out at all and was just going, “WOW! We’re up in the SKY!”

Tonight he got out of bed (which we make a big deal out of because he will do it 50 times if you don’t set boundaries) and told me, “This is really important, mommy.”

“What?”

“I’m scared.”

So we talked about that for a while, and while I know that 99% of the time this is a stalling tactic, I didn’t want to completely discredit him. I told him that God has angels and one of their super-powers is that they’re invisible, so even if he can’t see them they’re there, and they have big swords. And also I’m downstairs and I won’t let any bad guys in.

“You can pray and talk to God about His angels. Maybe he’ll let you see some.”

Woops.

Two minutes later his little head pops around the banister. “Mommy! This is important….um, God didn’t hear me!” he said tearfully.

Well, I knew that the tears and drama were in large part due to the fact that we’d been out since 9am that morning, running on things like donuts and IKEA food and very little nap time, but you just don’t belittle a comment like that.

So we had a big long talk. It was actually pretty fun for me to try and explain God and praying and bad guys and heaven and everything in between in appropriate 3 year old vocabulary. Do you know how simply they must see the world? I don’t want to cloud his healthy childishness with lots of religious jargon, so it really brings things down to the bare necessities. In a very good way.

Basically, I have two of the smartest, sweetest, most sensitive children I know about, and I’m super proud to be their mommy.

Goodnight.

I don’t really know why, but someone coined this term that many of us find ourselves using: the Stay at Home Mom (SAHM).

I think it’s kind of ridiculous.

I mean, it just sound so…seditary. So boring. So out-of-it. “Yeah I’m out of touch with the world, I just stay at home with my kids all day.”

Okay, first of all, when did it ever become easy to raise a child?

Secondly, I would like to point out that if you are HIRED to raise a child you get called by such esteemed terms as: “Educator,” “Child care provider,” and “Early Childhood Development Expert.”

No, I’m not about to go on a rant about how mom’s have 50 million jobs like cook, maid, driver, hair-stylist, teacher, etc. etc. because I don’t really like that point….I mean there ARE expert people who study and work those positions full-time, and mom’s really only do them part-time and sometimes a bit haphazardly at that….

So what IS my point. I’d just like to think that when you choose to have a child, you choose everything that that entails…and you choose to be around, to be involved and to nurture their life journey as much as you possibly can for their early years. You, the “stay at home mom” are not fulfilling some role that can be contracted out to the neighbor, the babysitter, or “child care provider,” because you are in a forever relationship with your baby. It’s complex, it’s extreemly strong, and it’s really not too easily defined. It just is. And it’s just good. And it’s so over-simplified with terms like SAHM and housewife and so on.

Good mommas give their babies what absolutely no one else in the world can give.

I mean, how many moms do you know who fit that SAHM “image?” Because the image I get is a mom on the couch, with her kids playing on the floor around her while she eats popcorn or something and watches soap operas.

NOT that that’s an entirely bad thing, but if you’ve ever done that you know how terribly small a part of your total time/life that really is.

Anyway, I’ve ranted on enough for today. But in light of mother’s day tomorrow, I’d like to pledge my allegience to the ever-adaptive, ever-loving ranks of momma’s I am so proud to be a part of.

So I’d tried this brownie before, and by following the recipe exactly I ended up with something kind of like chocolate banana bread. Good, but not a brownie.

Today, out of pure necessity, I had to alter it quite a bit, but I LOVED what I ended up with. A sweet, chocolaty dense brownie-like cake with banana tones interwoven. If you’re not a fan of banana bread then this definitely isn’t for you…but I don’t know anyone who doesn’t love banana bread.

Okay, so here’s the deal. You use honey, or maple syrup, instead of sugar. You use one really brown, smooshy banana for moisture and more sweetness. You use whole wheat flour, and it detracts nothing from the goodness that is this treat. I would even like to try added a few tablespoons of ground flax seed sometime…my bet is you wouldn’t even know it’s there.

The original recipe is as follows:

“Beat well together 2/3 cup honey, 1/2 cup butter, 1 teaspoon vanilla, 2 beat eggs, 1 ripe mashed banana, and 3/4 cup water.

In separate bowl combine 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1 teaspoon baking soda, 1/3 cup cocoa, 1 cup flour.

Combine them together slowly, making sure to really whip it so there aren’t big chunks of banana anywhere. Stir in 1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts at the very end. Pour into greased 8×8 (?) pan (I had to use two bread pans) and bake at 350 degrees F for 25-30 minutes. Best fresh!” (I found it at MoreThanAlive.com)

Now, for the glorious “alterations”.

Today I had no honey and a lot of maple syrup, so I used that, though it’s much more expensive and I’m sure honey is just as good. Then, I replaced the eggs for about 1/3 cup applesauce, which gives you a lot more density. You will have to bake longer if you do this too. Also, I had no baking soda so I put in 3 teaspoons of baking powder (they are not equal in quantity replacement). Lastly, I added about 1/2 cup of peanut butter just because I love peanut butter + chocolate + banana. Oh actually very last of all, I replaced the nuts with dark chocolate chips. This does add some sugar but it’s so minimal and you get the added benefits of dark chocolate.

Okay, so since I had no brownie pan around I used two loaf pans and baked for more like 30-40 minutes at 350F. When I first took it out it seemed a little undercooked but I usually like things like this a little gooey anyway, so I let it cool and it was perfect. Very dense, and very moist. Mmmm. I put a little peanut butter on top and ate with a fork.

The original recipe also says that these brownies are best fresh but I put the leftovers in tupperwear and found that the trapped moisture only added to their texture and I think the flavor intensifies with time. Absolutely delicious! I was so happy to feed these to the kiddos today after last week’s “mommy’s pregnant so we’re eating junk food” streak.