just for now.

I used to have an Etsy shop called featherstitch. It still technically exists and that’s how I log in and find amazing things and then ‘heart’ them in other people’s shops….but my listings have expired a long time ago.

I sincerely love to create things, but I just don’t think I’m cut out to sell them online. Just the listing part alone is a tad overwhelming and then the shipping really throws me for a loop. If I could just do the creating and someone else did the other stuff I’d be set.

But anyway, as I’m sitting here typing this there’s a bag of some of my things that I made sitting in front of me and I thought I’d model a few items just for fun.

1. This is an apron with a kangaroo pocket. I think most of the material is either vintage or recycled (“upcycled” from a different piece of clothing or material).

2. A very small red vest I upcycled from a red tshirt or tank top. It has white contrast stitching and two big pockets. Lots of raw edges (that don’t unravel because it’s jersey knit). Love/love/love it. But it’s really small…thought it’d be funny to see it on me at my largest!

You can see the scoop pockets better here.

3. A little coin purse.

4. An upcycled shirt from some jersey knit and a pillow case.

5. A cloth necklace. It has beads or clay balls inside and knots dividing them.

6. A girls size skirt (maybe 10-12?) with little pockets/raw edges and stretchy jersey knit waist band.

7. I have so many of these little cuffs I like to think I sort of invented. An assortment:

Okay that’s all for tonight.

As I’m posting these I’m thinking, maybe I should see if anything would sell straight from here?

If you’re interested in any item, leave a comment and we’ll talk. But please keep in mind, I’m not a business person with this stuff AND I’m about to have a baby, so that’s….that. Still, I’d be flattered if you’d like anything and do my best to get it to you in a timely manner.

.the end.

I realize this blog is winding into a tighter and tighter circle centering around HAVING A BABY.
I’m ready to write about something else soon, but here I am, my abdomen stretched as far as I think is humanly possible and my back muscles agreeing heartily…and every body part below baby pointing out to me on a fairly regular basis how tired and swollen they are.
Then again, from bust-line up I don’t think I look preggo at all. And that’s kind of sweet, to just remember a little snippet of me that will be the same after our bambino comes.

So anyway, here I am at the end. Fingers crossed.
I wasn’t feeling ready to really settle down and be bedridden these last few weeks but at this point my body is telling me it’s time. I know that physically I can’t go on much longer.
So that’s a good sign.
I’d prefer that over just being emotionally spent. I don’t ever want to get impatient or fussy or depressed.

So there’s still stuff I want to do around the house, but I think I’m content with having my baby anytime now.
It’s kinda walking a fine line because until I go into labor I want to stay happily busy and not constantly thinking about am I going into labor today.
BUT I want to be ready for when labor does come, so I have to kind of stay on that track.

Night.

This isn’t an upbeat post.

This is just real life.

Zoyenka is teething those “canine” teeth that come in all pointy. And turning 2 in 6 days (September 4) so she could be teething 2 year old molars here any day now as well. So she’s not sleeping well, which means I’m not sleeping well on top of the fact that I don’t sleep well because I have to pee all night.

Isaiah is….a 3 year old. But sometimes more so that others– it’s like he wants constant attention and validation. He argues with or restates everything I say at times. The only way I keep my sanity in those moments is to put major boundaries around the conversation. “We’re done talking about this.” or “Remember how you’re not supposed to say things over and over?”

And I feel strange making these statements. Is it okay to just end a conversation? I guess it’s not really a conversation, though, when it’s your logic against a 3 year old’s and he will never, ever give up.

We also have these strange miscommunications where he’ll like ask about something he can’t possibly completely comprehend but he’ll just keep at it and say things I don’t understand and in the process we both just become more frustrated. That’s when I just say, “Okay, honey, I don’t understand. Let’s talk about something else now.” OR “Let’s take a break now.”

I guess I’m struggling with feeling like I’m being too controlling, or feeling guilty that I just don’t CARE to have all of these meaningless conversations. But I don’t want to blow something off that’s important to him just because it’s annoying to me. See?

The last “downer” topic of this post will be about mothering my three darling, amazing babes. I just don’t know how it’s going to get done. I’m trying not to even really anticipate what situations will arise or how I’ll get everyone fed, clean, and napping/sleeping enough for sanity…. but I can’t help it. Also, add to that list: keep myself fed, clean and SANE.

For instance, how will things break down when I’m breastfeeding the baby on the couch and Zoe who, in all of her toddlerness will not understand why she is not still the center of attention, asks for “Ooof!” (food). And I can’t just jump up and get it for her (not that I jump at any of her requests, but there will obviously be more restraints on my servanthood of her majesty with a newborn in my arms). How will this work? Will she learn to wait? Or throw crazy fits that make me feel angry, frustrated or torn??

It is tiring to train a toddler, no doubt. And right now Zoe is in full-blown temper-tantrum, say no to 95% of what I say, mode. I just don’t know how this will all go down with baby boy born.

So, SIGH.

Waa, waa, waa. I’m not actually trying to whine here, I’m just getting it all down in words. The swirling thoughts, emotions, concerns that I haven’t quite articulated before. I’m not asking for your advice, actually… I just need to say it like it is.

It’s just real life, like I said.

And truly? I’m very, very excited (AND overwhelmed) to watch it play out and surprise me and challenge me. I can do it. I don’t even doubt that for a second. My only honest-to-goodness prayer is that I do make the right choices in all of those little moments and don’t ever, ever for one second feel like I’m compromising people (said children) for things. Things that feel so pressing like a little shut-eye or clean dishes. Things that cannot be completely ignored, but I really really don’t want to cause me to act in such a way that hurts the intimacy I enjoy with my children.

I do anticipate that my mind will be the biggest battleground and the more I can dwell on and soak in every sweet, tender moment with the kids, the better. Because that’s what MAKES those super hard moments workable, and gives me the perspective to know that my toddlers aren’t always hell bent on….those annoying things they do. A lot of the time they really do love to love mama and make her happy and clean up without even being asked. (No seriously, that has actually happened. And you can bet I pat myself on the back when it does!)

It’s a vulnerable place to be, people. Because I can’t exactly write out a plan and sketch a pathway to success… I just have to kinda take it as it comes, and stay gentle in every moment, and stay sharp (haha) or maybe just not loose all of my marbles.

At least I’ll have this post to come back to and make comparisons with when it all goes down. Which could start soon. Who knows, this week maybe?? Thanks for listening.

(due date = September 3rd)

Goodnight.

I feel like these pictures don’t completely capture how big I feel right now (tomorrow is 39 weeks). The best description I can think of is it’s like having a watermelon strapped to your middle. At least that’s how it is for me. Prego moms, feel free to chime in with your thoughts.

See, when I pull my shirt in it’s a cute bump, right?

But this is actually how I walk around all day. Tent.

Okay I’m done whining.

Ha. Super hero pose– super power belly slam.

Maternity model pose. They total pose the reality out of pregnancy in those Isabella Oliver ads. Angles are everything…

This took a lot of concentration…..thought it was appropriate. Time and all.

The end.

-Got my hair trimmed.

-Fumed over the stupidity of our food industry. When factory-produced eggs are rotten, do we hear a public out cry over the way this “food” is produced? Not enough.

Maybe we should just buy our food from someone we know, or can at least meet, like a local farmer. Maybe?
And how many recalls have we had over the last few years for peanut butter, spinach, eggs? Too many.
But if someone gets sick off of raw milk, the government treats it like a crime against humanity.
Come on. Seriously?

-Snuggled with Isaiah and Zoyenka. We’re all so snuggly recently. I know my hormones are big right now, and maybe the kids are just warming up for baby, too. Whatever. I love it.

-Wore my *beautiful* new robe for the first time. Thanks to my amazing sister, Katie!! (Link takes you to my Wish List where you’ll see the robe at the bottom)
I am beyond excited to have such a delicate, feminine robe to wear that won’t make me feel baggy. Especially after the baby’s born and I may just have to live in it.

-Dropped Levi off at the airport super early– woke up at 3am and took the kids. I’m glad I did. Zoe took a long nap when we got home so I was able to doze on the couch with Isaiah while he watched his “boy shows.”

-I tweeted yesterday that I was grounding myself today until all the dishes were cleaned. Or maybe that was yesterday and the day before? Anyway. The dishes are now all clean. This always makes me way too happy.

-I’ve been using my tea tree essential oil ALL over the house. I put it in a spray bottle with vinegar/water/grapefruit seed extract for cleaning, like, everything and anything. I also put some inside both diaper pails and in my mop water.

-Tomorrow is my (one day shy of) 39 week check up!! I’m really excited to find out how far along “things” are and debrief with my midwife. I’ve just started walking about a mile in the morning with the kids and plan to until the baby’s born. Yes, the last two weeks…it’s better than nothing. Not that I haven’t ever exercised this pregnancy, but it’s been way more sparse than with the last two.

-That’s all for now as I need to finish watching Monday’s latest “Lie to Me.” I am very much a fan of this show.

Goodnight.

We never do this, but tonight I took the kids grocery shopping when they’d normally be getting ready for bed.

Life had kept getting in the way of making the weekly/bi-weekly run and we were so behind I just had to go, now.

Surprise! Wegmans was really busy at 7pm on a Sunday (PS: Wegmans is like a combination of Trader Joes/Whole Foods/Harris Teeter…and some others. It’s huge.). Lots of people, and the food was running out…was that because it’s the end of the day, or the end of the weekend? I’m guessing the trucks are coming tomorrow.

Anyway, I had finally done my meal planning yesterday so I knew it was safe for me to go today without buying too much random stuff and not enough actual meal ingredients that I can work with mindlessly in the evening when I need to feed my starving toddlers. Yes, they come very close to starving everyday. Or so they would have you think.

So the meals that we’ll have this week:

1. Mexican beans (a Bethune family recipe!) with cornbread or rice. Leftovers will make refried beans for lunch quesadillas. I also use the cooked beans for breakfast sometimes with eggs.

2. Lentil bake from More With Less cookbook. This is a really mommy-is-8-months-pregnant friendly casserole. You mix everything together and stick it in the oven for about an hour, add some cheese to the top at the end and it’s done. It’s very easy for young kids to eat, too. I am always drawn to one-dish dinners but I’m trying to diversify a little more, add different colored side dishes, more often.

3. Homemade pizza with whole wheat, pre-soaked dough and whole milk mozzarella (whole milk ANYthing is so much better, in case you didn’t know. )

4. Spaghetti.

5. San Fran Fish Bake. I’ve had flounder filets in the freezer for a while now from a seafood sale that I really need to do something with. So this is my attempt, though I’m not much at cooking fish. The recipe is from More With Less. We’ll see how it goes.

6. (possibly) Lentil Burgers. Also a More With Less recipe. I’d probably make whole wheat buns.

Side dishes are typically vegetables from the farmer’s market or the freezer. Sometimes homemade bread or other carb.

Okay, so while shopping with Zay and Zoe and my watermelon-sized belly I got a record amount of sympathy-slash-sweet smiles and looks from the general grocery-shopping public. Some of the looks were directed at Isaiah, who is an amazing little grocery shopper and loves to help, hold my list, and offer cuisine suggestions. Of course he wants to throw a lot more stuff in the cart then we need or can afford, but hey, it’s the thought that counts.

Thankfully everything felt positive and it was a good trip with no melt-downs or embarrassing mishaps.

And it’s in moments like these, when I notice people noticing me from their “Wow she has her hands full” looks and “What cute kids” smiles that I’m like, yeah, it’s cool to be a me. Hahaha. I mean it feels good to be a young mom with “her hands full” and still smiling…when you can be, you know? To not always be dragging around with bags under your eyes and hoping someone takes pity on you and let’s you cut them in line. Yeeeah.

Anyway, I’m done rambling. It’s way too late and I really don’t know if I’ll need to re-edit this in the morning.

Goodnight.

So here I am, about a month into for real cloth only diapers for Zoe. Except for when I used disposable on a 3 hour road trip and stayed out of town for a weekend. I am not that hard core yet.

Anyway, I have to say…honestly? I love it.

I’m not sure if I love it for all the “right” reasons but they’re my reasons non the less.

First of all, I love creating environment, like in my home or bedroom (kid’s bedrooms for now too), and I love hands-on crafty things, and I just love to make things and reuse old stuff in new ways, etc. etc.

So I think that’s my first reason for loving cloth. For one thing, you have all these different colors and patterns and combinations to choose from, and then the cloth accessories come into play and you have wipes and inserts and covers and pail liners and wet bags for going out….

Something about it all feels like a creature comfort to me to pick them out, keep them in their own little organized space, and use them, wash them, put them away.

I also like routine and familiarity (to a certain degree) and I’ve gotten into a little rythm with cloth diapers that feels nice. About every other day or two after the kids are in bed I grab the diaper pail from their room and empty it into the wash with the diapers from downstairs. I fill the washer with cold water and a little soap and close the lid to let them soak overnight.

First thing the next morning I start the load, followed by a warm wash and then two cold rinses. I aim to have it all done around 9-10am, so I can put the diapers out to dry for the heat of the day.

I use a drying rack I bought at IKEA that holds about 15-20 diapers. So far I’ve been drying the inserts & prefolds in my dryer because I don’t have enough room for them outside, and they take a long time to dry. BUT I came across a clothes line and pins at the dollar tree of all places so I may just rig something up with our backyard fence soon.

…to be continued…

Here goes.

1.

Reversible baby boy shoes from Evie Lala.

2.

Tangerine skirt from Evie Lala.

3.

Fanny pack from Happy Cow.

4.

Children’s wall lamp from IKEA.

5.

The Balboa Baby Nursing Pillow from BabysRUs. Unlike the Boppy it doesn’t wrap around you, and from the pictures I think it holds the baby higher, which I think would be easier on your back.

6.

LEKA baby gym from IKEA. I don’t want this now since we’re moving to a different house around baby’s 3 month bday, but I LOVE/love/LOVE that this infant toy is made of wood and not plastic!

7.

Balboa baby nursing cover in Apple from Target.

8.

Storage organizer for the kid’s room from Target.

9.

BJURON plant stand from IKEA.

10.

Kimono Style Robe from Plum Pretty Sugar.

.the end.

Random, yes…but all lovely, hmm?

Here is baby’s bed. Right now it’s set up to store everything we don’t need RIGHT away (first 24 hours)– which will be in my bedroom.
I have this mini co-sleeper set up as a bassinet right now in the kids room to save space in mine. I LOVE all the storage that is built in. You can’t see but there are also 2 pockets on either end.
Here are some pictures. The first top view shows a teddy bear with a womb sound machine in his belly and a Snodel (I think that’s how you spell it). I’m super excited about this little lovey–I got it in the package at a consignment sale before I even knew we have a man baby. The idea is that you wear it in your shirt or keep it next to you in bed for a while so that the wool stuffing absorbs “mommy smell” and comforts baby in the car or whenever you’re not there. I love it! At least, the idea of it. And I think it’s super cute, too, though Levi thinks it looks like a voodoo doll. :/

A few other items pictured:
-boppy.
-lots of stretchy swaddling blankets.
-socks/hats.
-a little “nest” you can put in your bed for the baby to have their own space. I’m planning to use it for a portable bed downstairs or as a diaper changing pad.
-bug mobile. The kids LOVE it and I have to keep them from pulling on it all the time. Its my first baby mobile…I definitely have more gear this time. So fun.
-some newborn-specific cloth diapers.
-breast pump & pads.
-baby powder and oil.
-newborn disposable diapers and wipes.
-0-3 month baby boy clothes.
-moby wrap baby carrier.